When I text...

Mostly in reverse chronological order.


Cellular mobile OUTBOX>>>

To David: You sure are taking an existential stance on this matter.

To Joe: Dreamt your parents and I were looking at beetles wearing reindeer head/costumes

Mass text: My drunk driving. Is amazing? I started drinking AT HOME! drove 40miles thru A TROPICAL STORM. Then back. Very drunk throughout. And alive. Wow!
Oct. 25, 2009 02:41:51am

To David: I like how you demanded to know who I am when I answered. :)
Oct. 26, 2009 07:24:54pm

To Joe (in consolation about his aunt's death): My fortune cookie says- "joy shared is doubled. Sorrow shared is halved." Hug!

To David (retweeted from textsfromlastnight.com): 1-"I came from walking." 2-"lol, u came?"

Mass text: Chaitanya to me- "u r really a crazy fat girl". lol!
Oct. 30, 2009 11:29:43pm

To David: Meowmeowmeow, *gnaws on your arm*. i am a squirrel. work is uneventful.
To me: Are you on something?

To unnamed: Don't choose pounding whiskey over pounding me. lololol.

To David (retweeted from textsfromlastnight.com): "Well, we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet chicks."

To David: Yr the only one who gets me, David.
Nov. 3, 2009 01:08:23am

To David: I often txt u under my covers late nite. Feels like sharing childhood and secrets with you.

To David: Alice is a backwards - not waywards - cecilia without the excess alphabetical baggage.. heh.

To David: Nacho and cheese + comedy central news with Joe. Tacobell + adultswim with you. Dietsoda and Moe's + movies with Paul. How will my future live up to my past?

Mass text: I just told Wayne I had daddy issues and asked him to be my father. I am a riot!

Mass text: Why is it that male models representing the pinnacle of masculinity are actually the most flaming of homosexuals?

Mass text: Chai-dawg was waitin on me to walk to the gym and I told him I was a minute away. He told me he was gunna wait for me outside so he could smoke a cigarette. Lol

To Naris: Pair of heels I can dance in? There's a friggin oxymoron if I've ever heard one!

To David: Feel awful want to puke dizzy vodka ow.
Nov. 22, 2009 02:20:00am

To David: Having trouble functioning lately. Think it's depression. ?.
Nov. 23, 2009 02:46:45am

To David: Told kat about my high alcohol tolerance and she congratulated me on no longer being a cheap date.
Nov. 26, 2009 01:00:40pm

Mass text: "People that go to NYU or LIU either have a lot of money or a lot of debt." - ME!!!

To David: Had an end of the world dream. I was one of the survivors and caught AIDs from sex. I was also a gay man.
Dec. 1, 2009 08:01:16am

To David: "THE LIGHTS WENT OUT IN THE SHITTER!" Dkarma33, Netphoria 1999

To David: Also. i love u. cuz you are so hot. i want u in my vagina.
Dec. 6, 2009 01:12:02am

To David: There's light outside. It's probably beautiful. Head hurts and want to say I'm sorry for making an ass of myself once again. God, I'm so unhappy sometimes.
Dec. 6, 2009 06:43:28am

To David: Eatin sweet cheddar popcorn, hatin mel & steve for txtin me at 6am, SERIOUSLY thinking about gym.
Dec. 6, 2009 07:04:31am

To Mel: I feel SO SICK and the world is SO BRIGHT. Someone pls turn off the day. :'(
Dec. 6, 2006 8:49:10am

Mass text: I can't wait to go on the road to recovery AKA END OF THE SEMESTER.
Dec. 6, 2009 09:04:16am

To David: Coming my hair in the cold creates a lot of static electriciy. I hear the crisp crackle. Crazy. :)

To David: Ran 3miles nonstop. Breaked. 2miles more. All in 50mins. Level surface. Record.

To David: Left my yogurt in my bkbag for 20hours. Eating it now. It's not even watery. Because it's been SO COLD.

To David: This is the long, awkward subway line in which I will write my novel via texts.

To David: I always eat yogurt with a fork cuz that's all I have.

To David: Donna/Librarian: Can I take this? Me: u can take whatever u want, baby, just don't take my heart.


Cellular mobile INBOX>>>

From David: When i was a child, pt, to me, meant pteranadon

From David: Call me instead. I don't want to write that down

From David: No. Not calling u via library reference desk

From David: No. I told the girl I wouldn't

From David: No. Not if ur laughing at me

From Karen: Men suck

From Peter: try to sleep! tomorrow drink a lot of water. a lot! feel better ok? sleep

From David: Earlier, i guessed by your structure

From David: Wrn is terminally meh

From Karen: Too early to drink? Lol
Dec. 2, 2009 12:33:06pm

From David: That's on accont of ur weight

From David: Don't kill me

From David: Get over it. If can can cause torment, I shall.

From David: Is this some weird cute thing?

From David: J/k ces. They're funny. I just wonder how i'm going to use them now

From Anthony: (resisting urge for inappropriate witty remark)

From David: Wise

From David: What does pederast mean?

From David: How did you know that?

From David: No. Can't. On bed. Comfy.

From David: This is a good book.

From Melanie: I am hoping to end up more stuffed than our turkey 2nite :) Happy Thanksgiving! My mom also says the same... btw i miss you *hugs* :))

From David: I feel awful. I think I need to be healthier
Nov. 24, 2009 06:12:18pm

From David: Maybe i'll eat vegetables and do a few push-ups
Nov. 24, 2009 06:15:23pm

From David: I was just hammering. Then the neighbors complained

From David: Alex's wood thing. Ur alcohol weakness used to be cute

From David: Why were you drunk txting me at 4? Why would i regret dumping u if u die? I don't want to be dating a girl who dies. I don't want to spend all my time at the hospital.
Nov. 21, 2009 11:15:34am

From Wayne: Thank god for girls with daddy issues

From Wayne: I think I'm a better lover to you

From David: Thanks. U are a good friend

From Wayne: Hi. I think I passed out last night.

From Wayne: Really? I was inside you and fell asleep

From David: Don't cry

From Lee: I do miss hanging out with you

From Lee: Love ya

From Joe: It's very nice of you to offer my homeless cousin a place and to call my family. Thanks for your thoughts.

From Wayne: I need your wet pussy. Guess it's busy or tired.

From David: They like just being called minnies

From David: No quiere hablar conmigo?

From David: I ate ur chinee ramen

From David: Lets build a snowman

From David: Haha. Those asians are so cute

From Wayne: I'm thinking of you and getting off. Can u sneak away and talk to me

From David: The sky is brue

From David: Ur plenty qualified

From Peter: An event you can talk about to your grandchildren :) Do u need a ride back from the trainstation?

From Stephanie: you are adorable! im just kind of nervous that youll realize youre straight!

From Stephanie: you smell so good by the way!

From Diana: U have a new york area code?!?!
Step. 8, 2009 02:2848pm

From Diana: Thats very new yorker of u... Now you need to go & sleep with lots of guys, buy stuff u can't afford, & be rude to people lol

From David: Give me a dollar and i'll weigh u in at 130

Clueless patrons in an academic library.

gmail

date Wed, Dec 2, 2009 at 1:29 PM
subject SERIOUS DUMB BLONDE AT LIU!!!
mailed-by gmail.com

hide details 1:29 PM (16 minutes ago)

Zomg!!! I can't believe this happened!!! Ha ha.
I was sitting at Ref. desk at school. This blonde, private school-ish 18-20 year old girl with curly hair approaches me. Her eyes are blue but empty. I could see the stupid in her eyes! She has this super dumb voice. I mean. Like. Right out of a book or something. Right? And she says to me, "Uhhh? The computer is in this asian language? I don't know if you can help me change iiit...?" I go over to her terminal. It's on the japanese Yahoo page. I entered www.yahoo.com . Ingles. Fixed. Wow. WOWWW!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING!!! It'd be hilarious if it weren't so damned fucking SAD!!!! :'( idk, it's still funny. :)

/end email
- - -

ANECDOTE.

OK. Last time, I wasn't even ON REFERENCE DESK, and this student wondered why her yahoo page was in Spanish... I was sitting next to her trying to type up and research some silly, yet stressful assignment (as they all are). And. She says to me. "Can you help me? My computer is in Spanish and I don't know how to change it." First of all, idk how she picked ME out of everyone else in the room (why not the girl to her right?). Maybe she had the "knowledgeable person" radar, or maybe it's because I'm Chinee, idk. AnywayzzZ!!!

I look over and I'm like, "Well, you need to change your settings on your yahoo mail account -- uh, wait, are you signed into *your* account?"

And she says, "Oh. No." And I said, "Well, sign out and then log back in." She accidentally exits out of her window anyway and had to get back on to her email... but the KICKER was that she went to www.google.com first to GOOGLE "yahoo mail"!!! Like. I mean. Liek. How long has she had her email? And how long has she been doing that? Without memorizing the goddamned hypertext protocol transfer address? Liek. Honestly, people!!! This is Long Island University!!! And how much do I pay to attend this place? Holy shit!!! (Hundreds of thousands of dollars, PEOPLE!!!)
- - -

Anyway, any time someone says, "the computer is in [insert choice] language" I automatically have this dreaded feeling of having to navigate through the system in an unknown and foreign language to change the settings because what FUCKER changed the setting?!?! And it just turns out to be. Oh. You are on a foreign page. Dumbass. Like. Seriously. Do Americans really think the rest of the world don't have their own pages with their own languages and shit? Like. Do they think the rest of the world speaks English? Yeah, I come from Miami (bitch) and I know wuddup. Miami ain't the USA, for one. Okay, peace.